


Cadillac Summers

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Getting Together, Humor, Multi, Road Trips, Running Away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-17 02:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: Dan finally cracks under the pressure of his own over-scheduling, running away from a photo shoot in full Danny Sexbang drag and stealing a penis-shaped car in the process.  He begs Holly and Ross for help running away, but when the threesome take off together it might bring more danger than any of them anticipated.





	1. Chapter 1

“Dan,” Holly begged, pressing her cell phone closer to her ear as she weaved through the oncoming foot traffic of her local Michaels, “speak slowly. Start from the beginning.”

“Fuck…okay,” Dan said. She could hear the sound of cars screaming by, his heavy breathing. “So Brian and I were shooting the album cover. We were out by the highway, and like, Julie set up a cordon, y’know, to keep the fans out and keep them from messing up the shot. And the flashing lights and the screaming and everything – y’know that I like those, they remind me of a concert. But everything – everything just started to pile up in my head. If this album doesn’t go higher than four it’ll be underperforming, and if we under-perform then we can’t pay off the CD printers, and if we can’t pay off the CD printers we can’t pay the guys at the record company we’re licensing the song from, and if…”

“You’re stuck in circles,” Holly said suddenly. He was panicking like he had, back in New York, back in France – back when he lost himself.

“I…yeah….yeah. Everything’s moving so fast and I can’t breathe, and I feel like I can’t just…” He moaned. She heard a turn signal ping. “I need to go. They’ll find me if I don’t just go.”

“Where are you, Dan?”

“Driving! Driving through East LA trying to find the on-ramp back home. I’ll see you soon, Holly.”

“Okay, promise me you’ll text when you’re somewhere safe.”

“I swear. I promise I will,” he said. Then she heard a beep, followed by silence.

Ross walked up the aisle a second later, his sunglasses sliding down his nose and his arms full, and he looked confused at the sadness in Holly’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Dan,” she said, putting her phone back into her purse. “He’s having a problem, but I couldn’t help him.”

“Cool,” Ross said. He placed a bundle of plastic branches in the belly of the cart. “Tell him he owes me two phone calls…”

“Ross, honestly, you’re not being fair. He’s been under a lot of stress lately…” Her phone pinged again and she eyeballed it. “OK, he pulled over in ‘some shopping center’. He should be fine.”

“He’s Dan. He’s always fine,” Ross said. There was a note of bitterness in his voice, and Holly couldn’t blame him – after all, Dan was so busy he barely had time to breathe, let alone hang out with the two of them. And to be fair, Ross was just as busy, and she had very little time to herself between her vlogs and her costuming. 

Everyone was culpable, it seemed.

The two of them exited the craft store two minutes later, and were immediately confronted by two incredible sights in the parking lot. One was Dan, head down, but in an inimitable Sexbang outfit, bright blue and glittery. The other was the penis-shaped car he was sitting perched atop. 

His eyes lit up when he glanced up and saw them both. Ross rolled his eyes, but Holly moved him toward Dan.

If only because she wanted to know how he’d gotten there without getting pulled over by the police.


	2. Chapter 2

“Do you wanna borrow one of Holly’s pigeon keeper sweaters?”

Dan scrunched down beside his car. “Ross, can you please be quiet? I don’t want to draw any more attention.”

“You’re standing next to a dick-shaped car, dude. It’s a little late for that.”

Dan winced. “I’m so fucking boned,” he moaned, leaning against the wall, huffing out an annoyed breath. Ross raised an eyebrow, made a few sympathetic noises but didn’t move.

Holly crouched. “What did you do?”

“I just…I couldn’t take it anymore. I started thinking about how I have to be on four different flights in the next three weeks and my brain just went boom.”

Holly made a sympathetic noise. “Do you wanna come hang out with us for awhile?”

“Yeah, that’s be great…” At that point a siren wailed in the distance, and Dan’s eyes went wide. He flung himself into the car, and Holly and Ross followed without discussing it, without considering what they were doing or why.

Maybe they had been that bored. Maybe the adventure was just that tempting.

They were gone in a flash.

Only when they were driving northward, headed to Oregon, having lost the cops on their tail, that Ross realized what they were doing. “Did you steal this car?”

Dan squashed himself into the backseat as they peeled out of sight. “Maybe?”


	3. Chapter 3

They stopped at a burger joint and Holly ate French fries while Dan and Ross failed at formulating some kind of plan.

“Maybe we should go to Canada. You did steal a car, Dan. WHY Did you steal the car?”

“I told you, I panicked!” Dan snapped. Ross sighed deeply and Dan shrugged. “I’m very sorry. I just…”

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “Okay, man. We’ll figure it out. Holly, do you have any…”

“We should cloak the car in something. Maybe paint it?”

“Hol, it’s bad enough it looks like a dick. Making it look like a pink dick won’t help our case.”

“I didn’t say that, Dan,” she said, but she was grinning up at him impishly. 

“Uh…” he coughed.

“We’ll paint it green and tell everyone it’s a pine tree,” said Ross.

“Good idea,” Holly said, mildly, and he kissed the top of her head.

She couldn’t help but catch the look of envy in Dan’s eyes when he did it.


	4. Chapter 4

They couldn’t find anywhere to get the car painted.

In fact several places turned them away. 

Dan was desperate by the time the sun started going down. They were in Northern California, and at least there were a couple of great placed to grab some dinner there.

Not that he was in the mood to eat.

“We could just drop off the car with a ‘sorry, my bad’ note,” suggested Ross.

“Yeah, that’ll go over really well,” groaned Dan. He’d eaten a whole steak by himself and felt overly-full. Holly was letting him rest her head against his shoulder.

“Then what do you want to do?” he asked. “Go to Canada until everything blows over? Because it might never do that and I left my hard drive with the show I’ve been working my ass off to write for the past two years back at the house.”

Dan frowned. “We could have Arin mail it to us.”

“Dan…”

“All right,” he sighed. “Maybe we’ll just…go to PNW for a week.”

They exchanged looks. Holly shrugged. “It’s been a long time since we’ve been back there.”

Dan shrank back a little bit. “I don’t want to intrude if it’s got special memories for you.”

Holly shook her head. “No, no. It’s fine.” When they were done, she was the one who drove them northern ward. 

When the police sirens screeched to life behind them, she was the one who slammed her foot down on the gas pedal too.


End file.
